Losing someone special to us can leave us feeling life is a greater challenge and we may be filled with mixed feeling, which we find difficulty making sense of.
Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. It is normal to feel sad and angry when someone close to us passes away. Talking to a trained and professional counsellor in Preston about your situation may help you to clarify your thoughts.
Relationship breakdown, breaking up with a partner or a strained relationships can all give us that same sense of loss. Counselling may help us to understand the situation,;resolve any areas of conflict which may still be remaining and adjust to a new sense of self.
Bereavement affects people in different ways. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.
Cheryl King Bereavement Counselling in Preston offers a way forward.
The four stages of bereavement
Experts generally accept there are four stages of bereavement:
- accepting that your loss is real
- experiencing the pain of grief
- adjusting to life without the person who has died
- putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new – in other words, moving on
You’ll probably go through all these stages, but here at Cheryl King we understand you won’t necessarily move smoothly from one to the next. Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense.
Feelings and emotions
Give yourself time – these feelings will pass. You might feel:
- shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to the death, and people often speak of being in a daze
- overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
- tiredness or exhaustion
- anger – for example, towards the person who died, their illness, or God
- guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or didn’t say, or about not being able to stop your loved one dying
“These feelings are all perfectly normal,” says Sarah. “The negative feelings don’t make you a bad person. Lots of people feel guilty about their anger, but it’s OK to be angry and to question why.”
She adds some people become forgetful and less able to concentrate. You might lose things, such as your keys. This is because your mind is distracted by bereavement and grief, says Sarah. You’re not losing your sanity.
The Cheryl King website has information on what to do after someone dies.
Coping with life after bereavement
Talking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Don’t go through this alone. For some people, relying on family and friends is the best way to cope.
A bereavement counsellor in Preston can give you time and space to talk about your feelings, including the person who has died, your relationship, family, work, fears and the future.
You can have access to a bereavement counsellor at any time, even if the person you lost died a long time ago.
Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died. People in your life might not mention their name because they don’t want to upset you. But if you feel you can’t talk to them, it can make you feel isolated.
Anniversaries and special occasions can be hard. We recommend doing whatever you need to do to get through the day. This might be taking a day off work or doing something that reminds you of that person, such as taking a favourite walk.
Help moving on
Each bereavement is unique, and you can’t tell how long it will last. The stages of grief may be shorter or longer for some people, which is normal.
You might need help with bereavement counselling if:
- you can’t get out of bed
- you neglect yourself or your family – for example, you don’t eat properly
- you feel you can’t go on without the person you’ve lost
- the emotion is so intense it’s affecting the rest of your life – for example, you can’t face going to work or you’re taking your anger out on someone else
These feelings are normal – as long as they don’t last for a long time.
Some people turn to alcohol or drugs during difficult times. We would advise you talk your feelings through with a qualified counsellor.
Counselling if someone is dying
If someone has an incurable illness, they and their loved ones can prepare for bereavement.
Our bereavement counsellors in Preston also offer pre-bereavement care, helping patients and their family cope with their feelings.